Tuesday, January 2, 2024


I'm watching two wars take place right now and feeling helpless as they unfold. In one situation, a country has been invaded and the citizens are defending their rights to remain a country. In the other the citizens of a country ruled by another have risen up using any means to become independent and the ruling country is retaliating.

I'm reminded of an incident that took place when my children were very young. My younger son was part of a play group that we mothers had organized. Every week one of the mothers would host the play group and think of activities to do. The other grateful mothers had a few hours to themselves. The group was comprised of four boys all four years old.

One of the members of the group...let's call him Donny....was the son of a very educated woman. I think her husband was a businessman. She was an architect who had attended an Eastern Ivy school and had had her son when she was a bit older. (In my time that was in her thirties).

Of course, these little guys were learning how to socialize and three of them including my son were sweet and kind and gentle. They were content to build with blocks, pretend they were superheroes, and sometimes even set up a grocery store. Donny, having been hovered over by his helicopter mom, had no rules. 

One time she dropped her little Donny off at my house for a session where I was in charge. Accompanying Donny was a bag full of chains and other hardware. "Donny likes to build," proclaimed his helicopter mother. 

On this occasion, Donny took out some of his chains to hit my darling son who, in response, burst out crying. 

I took him aside and whispered in his ear, "The next time he comes after you, punch him back."

My son did exactly that and Donny screamed and yelled and went on and on for a good period of time.

But Donny never went after my son again. 

The moral of the story is that if someone hits you and you can't with words convince them to not do so, only a punch will convey the message. Of course, you have to assess whether you are strong enough to defeat him/her/them. Often, in my mind, where there's a will, there's a way.

PS: I have to say that after this incident we other mothers asked the helicopter mom to leave Donny's chains at their home when she brought her son to play group.


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