The Jitters

This week my landscape "designer" fired me.  I have used this service for more than ten years, many years before this young person purchased it from the woman who originally created the business.  She was devoted to personal service.  In fact her entire family worked the business and one sister still works there today.

It is true that I I'm a very meticulous person especially about charges.  I had asked him to explain why my year end bill was so high and queried him about what our contract specified.  Having owned my own retail business for eleven years, I'm certainly aware of customer concerns and handled them regularly in as politic a manner as I could. 

I was hurt by his response.  He said he'd had enough of my questions and he no longer wished to do business with me.  I've actually never been fired by any business and I'm seventy-four years old.

Being a sensitive soul, though few people know this to be true, I was stung.  I had recently had a difficult confrontation with my son and I am still feeling a bit paranoid today.  Am I too demanding?  Am I thinking that others should be more aware of my needs?  Should I just be quiet when things bother me?

Of course this is a matter of judgement in the long run.  It took me years to speak up and now that I do, when something bothers me I get in trouble.

I think everyone is kind of sensitive right now.  The country's climate is so uneasy.  People are fighting all the time for what they believe to be their rights and their privileges.  It's Christmastime right now and there seems to be a lack of joy.  Everybody is on eggshells including me and certainly including my former landscaper.

In response to my malaise, I am trying to put all this into perspective, but it's not coming easily.  If this streak of sadness is coming to me, someone I consider myself a very lucky person, then what are others feeling and thinking?  

I hope we all get over this soon.  It's a time for introspection and for making a strong effort to reverse this collective feeling.  I have no answers, but I'll work on it.  Maybe we all can work on this.